Monthly Archives: December 2015

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Nine days until Christmas, do you know what that means? It means my children are hopped up on goofballs. It means my husband is being a turd. It means vacuuming up Norwegian Spruce needles and glitter three times a day. It means meal planning and wrapping paper color schemes (black and gold this year, if you must know), and ‘oh my God, I forgot to do something for the UPS guy!’ It means moving that one crocheted snowflake two inches to the left in the blizzard of other crocheted snowflakes. It means coming to terms with the fact that I may have some teeny little control issues that I need to look at, but not right now. Right now there is a hand appliquéd tree skirt that is rumpled up on one side and if I don’t go straighten it out my eye will start twitching.

Okay, phew, it’s straightened.

I had a long post planned out to make up for the fact that I haven’t written anything since early November. It was going to be about how we all go crazy this time of year in various ways and for various reasons. But there just isn’t time at the moment for me to write that post. Besides, you know it already and you probably don’t have time to read about it. It’s nine days to Christmas, remember? My inner whack job, who resides just below the surface of my normal person facade, is driving the bus from now until January 1st. And I’m in good company. Most of the lovely, wonderful, sane people I know will be possessed, off and on, this month by sides of themselves that they would rather not admit to.

So, as we all frolic/trudge/grumble/party/fret our way through the next couple of weeks, I want to send out this blessing: I wish for you, my friends, the tools to cope. A good therapist, a couple of Xanax, a walk in the woods, a glass of bourbon, whatever will ease you through. I wish for you toys that are easy to assemble, a box to fit your every need and plenty of tape. I wish you family members who behave themselves and the ability to behave well yourself. I wish you candles that fit neatly into your candlesticks without a bunch of fiddling around that you don’t have time for, damn it. I wish you a meal that contains brown butter. I wish you one perfect moment when all is right with your world and your heart is full of love.

See you on the other side.

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